DS9 Reviews: "Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places"

It's that time again...the dreaded Komedy Episode. DS9, and Star Trek in general, have a very mixed record on these. When they work, they are hysterical. When they don't they are awful. Same goes for romance episodes...and this is both!

Worse still, this episode is sandwiched smack in the middle of four very dark (or at least momentous) episodes. So if you're watching them all in a row (like I was) then you will get some serious mood whiplash (as well as another inconsistency that I will address).

However, it's a very charming episode and I can actually offer mostly unqualified praise for it. "Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places" is a very important development for the characters of Dax and Worf, and a charming enough sequel to the events of "House of Quark" in season 3.

"House of Quark" was a positively brilliant season 3 episode in which Quark took credit for killing a drunken Klingon who fell on his knife. He winds up married to the guy's widow, Grilka, at knifepoint. It seems that Grilka needed to marry the killer of her husband in order to prevent his rival from taking over their house with financial chicanery. Quark, naturally, is better equipped than any of the Klingons about to expose the fraudster, and proves him without honor when the guy tries to kill his helpless self. Grilka then grants Quark a loving divorce.

So in this episode Grilka comes to the station, ostensibly to get Quark's financial advice, but it is clearly a thinly disguised social visit. This sits ill with Grilka's bodyguard. Worf sees Grilka and is instantly smitten. When he sees her embracing Quark and Dax explains that she's his ex-wife, Michael Dorn does a great job showing us the murder wheels turning in his head, just for a moment.

As far as continuity goes, Grilka's casual visit seems very strange. The whole past season they were fighting the Klingons, and in the very next episode they are going to be fighting Klingons. Dax tosses off a line like "Oh, the treaty negotiations must be going well." Sure, and in the next episode it will be going badly. Treaties don't change all that much about how difficult it is to fly past borders, etc. until they are ratified. Of course, it is actually possible that these Klingons took a passenger vessel, but you'd think coming aboard one of the Federation's most important outposts would raise a few eyebrows.

But anyway, Worf decides to try and go after Grilka anyway. It turns out that the Klingon mating ritual is to loudly be a dick to other people in the vicinity. I'm not even joking. So after a few innocents are harmed, Grilka's advisor (not her bodyguard) shoots Worf down on her behalf, reminding him that he's never even been part of Klingon culture to an extent that he has ever courted a Klingon lady before. It's a nice little moment for Worf. And to his credit, he backs off.

However, Quark does a little plot-thickening when he comes to Worf, insecure about his ability to court Grilka. And Worf decides to not be a dick for once and help the guy out, Cyrano-style. Dread Continuity raises its ugly head again because in all future episodes Worf is back to hating Quark with apparent sincerity. But here, he ropes Dax into giving Quark some bat'leth practice and all the Klingon knowledge he has. Meanwhile, Dax is stepping up her flirting with Worf, which she's been doing since she met the guy, even harder, but Worf just keeps staring at Grilka.

"par'Mach," as you no doubt have gathered, is Klingon for "love."

Speaking of thickening and meanwhiles, I've been neglecting the B-story. Several episodes back, O'Brien and his wife conceived their second child, but Keiko was injured in a runabout (seriously, why would anyone get on one of those deathtraps?). As a result of that emergency, the fetus was beamed (!) into the womb of Major Kira. The production reason for this was that Nana Visitor (Kira) was getting quite noticeably pregnant, thanks to Siddig El Fadil (Bashir). However, it was a cool little plotline that added a vulnerable dimension to Kira's hard-bitten ex-Resistance fighter. The various complications of putting a human child in a Bajoran womb are handwaved away, naturally, but whatever. They got awesome medicine in Star Trek, we can dig it.

Anyway, Kira has actually moved in with the O'Briens at this point so they can take care of her and, well, their kid. So O'Brien is massaging Kira, and their conversation is starting to get just a little too casual/friendly/flirty. They both realize they've gone over the line juuuust as Keiko walks in all cheery. "Don't stop on my account!" As if the scene weren't awkward enough, when Kira suggests that she take a vacation on Bajor, Keiko INSISTS that O'Brien go along to watch her.

This is a rare case where the rampant prudery (perhaps rather, its weird attempts to seem sexually liberated whilst actually being one of the most unsexual shows on TV) of Star Trek actually works in its favor. One can only imagine how overplayed this would have been on a typical drama, or even something like The Office. The fact that nothing actually happens (and nothing will) makes the situation feel very real and not sensationalist. In most episodes of Star trek, since, y'know, this plot has nothing to do with Trekking, this would seem superfluous, but in this episode it dovetails nicely with the rest of the romantic proceedings.

Back to the A-story. Quark is doing very well in his courting, so well that Grilka's bodyguard, revolted, knocks him down and challenges him to a battle to the death. Oops. Quark asks Worf and Dax if his "throw down the sword" trick from "House of Quark" would work again here, the answer is basically "Not if you want to live."

But, Worf and Dax have a smart plan, you see.

No, it's not informing Sisko or Odo about the death threat that has been made against Quark.

No, it's not telling Quark to back down, neither his pride nor his dick being worth a battle to the death with a 6'5'' lunatic.

It is, however, strapping weird devices to Worf's and Quark's heads, so that as Quark fights this guy in one holosuite, Worf can control his actions from the other.

I hear that will be an iPhone app any day now.

Anyway, Worf-as-Quark starts utterly schooling his guy, and I must say I am impressed with Armin Shimerman's physical acting in this scene as I have never been before. However, Worf is "showing off" too much for Grilka and somehow breaks the little doohickey. As Dax struggles to fix it for 2 minutes, Quark invokes Ferengi custom and distracts the Klingons with a little ad-libbed speech/plea for Grilka's love. Then as soon as he's cheating again, he schools the Klingon. Then Quark actually tries to kill the guy, but Worf makes him just pick up the other dude's bat'leth and jerkily present the weapons to Grilka.

Either Grilka doesn't realize that Quark's cheating, or she doesn't give a rip, because Quark is IN. Well, he was basically already in, but now he's IN. And out. And...I'll shut up. (I watch episodes about interspecies sex so you don't have to! Actually, all of the couples in this ep are interspecies, which is to say at least one of them is wearing between an ounce and a pound of latex on their heads.)

Worf starts moping about Grilka again, so Dax conjures a holo-bat'leth and starts trying to kick HIS ass. Again, we see that violence is Klingon foreplay. As well as the deed itself. After a tasteful fade to black, both happy couples stagger into the infirmary covered in bruises (well, Grilka isn't too bad off). In an amusing touch, Dax is wearing Worf's sash. In another amusing touch, Siddig El Fadil as Dr. Bashir plays "restrained horror" EXTREMELY well.

In the final analysis, Quark risked his life for a one night stand with his ex-wife, but it was fun seeing that character again, especially since she's less of a judgmental thug than most Klingons. Of course, she's also attracted to Quark, which should make anyone wonder. Worf and Dax, on the other hand, they are pretty much together from here on out, and it's great for both characters ("Let He Who Is Without Sin..." notwithstanding). Kira and O'Brien have one last cute/awkward scene as they are preparing to leave wherein they decide that they will NOT spend five days alone in a resort on Bajor because they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off each other. So with a "what might have been..." O'Brien figures out an excuse and begs off. (The guy's so busy I don't understand how he was gonna take time off anyway.) The implications of their non-relationship do show up in Nana Visitor's performance later, as she tends to call him "Miles" instead of "Chief," etc, but this show not being "Battlestar Galactica," they are over and done with.

Runabout Tally: None destroyed, but I bet that one's duotronic phase relays were short-circuited by the awkward sexual tension between Kira and O'Brien. (I ship O'Brien/Bashir myself. Or hell, get them, Keiko, and Garak together in a foursome.)